We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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