she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
