You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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