The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
