I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
