Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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