Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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