Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
