Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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