i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
