dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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