it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
