Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
