Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
