I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
