Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
