Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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