Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
