you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
