My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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