i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
