I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
