Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
