i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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