Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize