This house was built for laser tag.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
