just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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