They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
