It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
