Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
