u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
