Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
