you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
