Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
