I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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