I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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