Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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