Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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