His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
