am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wear drunk well.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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