I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
