dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
