It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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