I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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