i just wanna soil my oats bro
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
