You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm too high and old for this...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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