I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize