worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
