well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
