her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize