The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
