Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
