she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
