I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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