yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
