A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
