Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
