she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
