U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
