tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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