what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
