Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
