She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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