That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
