We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
