Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
