he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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